The Robert Kellys of Pro Sports!?!?

This wasn't a good sports weekend for me. The whole thing started and ended on Friday, when my Washington Wizards were ousted from the playoffs yet again by LeBron James' and the 11 Pips. So, I was just about to declare a full blown sports-fast when a couple of interesting nuggets came to my attention.

Double [||] on that last sentence.

Crooner R. Kelly will finally be going on trial for his alleged trysts with an underaged girl later this month. Seems like a couple of ballers should be accompanying him.

You'll remember Roger "The Rocket" Clemens from his Capitol Hill grilling last year regarding alleged steroid use. This guy who largely dodged the hubris spewn at fellow-doper Barry Bonds, is in some unrelated hot water of his own.

The scandal enveloping Roger Clemens took a sordid turn yesterday when it was alleged that the former MLB pitcher carried on a lengthy affair with an underage country music starlet.

According to a story in the New York Daily News, Clemens was romantically involved for a decade with Nashville B-lister Mindy McCready. Citing unnamed sources, the Daily News claimed the pair met in 1991 when Clemens was a 28-year-old married father of two. McCready was 15 at the time.

Clemens apologized Monday for unspecified mistakes in his personal life but denied having an affair with a 15-year-old.

The Daily News reported last week Clemens had a decade-long relationship with country star Mindy McCready that began when she was 15 and an aspiring singer. The newspaper also linked the star pitcher to former Manhattan bartender Angela Moyer and Paulette Dean Daly, a former wife of champion golfer John Daly.

You gotta love the "non-apologetic" apology. Seriously, if you're not saying specifically what you're apologizing for, then why bother? Or at least that's what AverageSis always nails me with tells me.

If the 15 vs 28 angle of that last story didn't gross you out enough, how's this barely discussed revelation about former NBA player Karl "The Mailman" Malone, also from last week?

Buffalo Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell is the son of Malone, but the Mailman had no role in Bell’s success except passing along athletic genes.

The two have had very little contact during Bell’s life. His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges.

Bell didn’t even know Malone was his father until after graduating from high school. When they finally met, Malone told the 18-year-old Bell it was too late to be his father, and that Bell would have to “earn his money on his own.”

Malone also fathered twins while in high school. One of them is WNBA star Cheryl Ford. It took years to claim the twins, and now he and his wife, Kay, fully accept them as part of their family.

All together now... "ewwwwwwwww".

I'm trying to figure out what's worse: knocking up a 12 year old while in college, or carrying on with a tween' when you're a grown up family man with kids?

Does it really matter? They're equally dispicable.

I know I'm about to get into some trouble here, but I gotta ask: in both of the above cases, where the hell were the parents? The middle schooler (ick!) that the Mailman "delivered" in surely had a parent or grandma who knew she was hanging around the local college a bit too much. The stage parents of Mindy McCready had to know the Rocket was "blasting off" in their daughter. And for that matter, didn't the teeny bopper in Chi-Town have a Dad or uncle who knew Sylvester Kelly was "bumpin' and grindin'" on their baby girl? Come on now!

I've been entrusted by God with the responsibility of raising a young man whom I pray will make the world a better place and add more to it that he takes away. Part of that responsibility means raising him (intentionally) with the understanding of what's right and what's wrong. Part of the thousands of discussions I'll undoubtedly have to have with him will entail dating women his age or better. Cause we all know older women are where it's at.

Cougars, stand up!!![1] Grrowwwllll!!!!

Older men (or women for that matter) preying on underaged kids is nothing new (Julius Ceasar anyone?), but as long as the sole blame is always placed on the perp, and not the parents of the victim, something tells me we're not going to see any improvement in the future.

Question: It's obviously late, but should Malone and Clemens we somehow held accountable for their actions? How should the parents in each of the above cases be held accountable? If you're the parent of a teen, how do you have the older/younger discussion? Have you thrown up in your mouth yet?

Roger Clemens hit with tale of affair [Toronto Star]

Dad Karl Malone a footnote in Demetrius Bell’s life [Buffalo News]

[1] Yeah, I know I sorta undermined my whole point, but hey, I've just been dying to use the term "Cougar", with all this young dude/older chick marriage stuff going around lately. Seriously, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon? WTH!??!

Ask An AverageBro

Although I don't discuss the topic much on this site, most of my favorite blogs are sports-related. Among the many I frequent each day is the excellent Sports Guy's World on ESPN.com. L.A.-based Writer Bill Simmons provides an irreverent, yet informed spin on various sports topics, not entirely unlike what I do here at AB.com. Of course, he gets paid for his grunt work, while I am forced to beg you guys to buy AB.com T-Shirts, now with our new logo!, available in various designs and sizes at the AB.com Store.

Anyways, one of my favorite features on the site is his occasional Best of The Inbox segment, where he takes reader questions on various subjects he may or may not have previously written about. I've always wanted to do the same thing, but this didn't make much sense until I got the right amount of daily hits and return visitors. With that quota sufficiently filled, I guess this is good a time as ever to try out this experiment.

Shoot me an email and ask me anything you'd like to know about me, AB.com, politricks, Negro Nonsense, vocoders, you name it. For the hundreds of lurkers who visit this site everyday, but never comment, this is your chance. For my readers of a lighter persuasion, consider this the opportunity to ask an imaginary black friend anything you might have even wanted to know, but not bad enough to possibly get punched in the face. Sorta like Chappelle's Show's Ask A Black Guy, but with a far younger and more handsome star than Paul Mooney. No questions are off limits, but keep it PG-13. I'm not obligated to respond to everything.

Comments are turned off for this post, please use the link below to send email. Sign your email with a name (make one up if you'd like) and city (make one up if you'd like), and shoot to me ASAP.

A free lifetime supply of cyber-Capri Suns if you're chosen. I'll run 5-6 questions here sometime soon.

Click here to email AverageBro and ask him whatever you want.

Ballin' Rappers? GangBangin' Ballers? I Love This Game!

[Editor's Note: Yes, I know my sports-related posts usually catch a brick here. But how could I possibly let such examples of Extreme Negro-dom pass by without mention?]
The NBA Playoffs are my favorite time of the year for lots of reasons. Not necessarily just for the games themselves either. Reality is, the NBA is one of the few sports that's more fun to talk about than to actually watch. The trades. The player feuds. The Rap Sheets. The off-court baby mama drama. It's all there.

I know the NFL is a cultural phenomenon, and baseball is (Latin) America's game, but the NBA is the bestest of all sports because it's damn near a grown man's soap opera.

Case in point, check out what happened the other night in Atlanta.

There was great debate yesterday about the hand gesture Paul Pierce made late in the Game 3 loss to the Hawks on Saturday after being taunted by Al Horford.

The Celtics said that when Pierce put his thumb and forefinger into a circle and held the remaining three fingers up, it meant blood, sweat and tears - a symbol used within the team this year.

To the league, it meant $25,000.

That’s how much the Celtics captain was fined for what the NBA called a “menacing gesture.” Sources said the signal was consistent with a gang-related threat, though the Celts debated that strongly.

“Watch what Paul does when he’s introduced. He’s done it for every game,” said Celtics director of basketball operations Danny Ainge. “That’s not anything related to” gangs.

Bullcrap!

Watch this video and tell me if Paul Pierce is telling his opponent about "blood, sweat, and tears".



Nah, that looks like a gang sign to me. The league hit Pierce with a measly $25,000 fine, which shows that they're a lot more interested in having their banner franchise advance in deep the playoffs than they are about sending messages of peace and non-violence.

The Herald reported yesterday that the Rev. Shaun Harrison of Operation Gang Out was blasting Pierce for making the gesture and demanding that the Celtic forward donate $50,000 to an inner-city group working with at-risk youths.

The hand signal - in which he maneuvered his right index finger and thumb into a circle and raised his three other fingers together - is consistent with a gang sign used by the Piru Blood in Pierce’s hometown of Inglewood, Calif. It’s also similar to the “three’s up” or “B” hand symbol used by Boston teens to represent the Hub.

Pierce has never been linked to gang activity, in Boston nor in California. But questions arose in 2000 after he was stabbed 11 times in a nightclub by associates of Made Men, a local rap crew.

You would think a guy like Pierce, who was nearly stabbed to death in a bar fight that may or may not have been gang related a few years ago would know better.

You would be wrong.

Speaking of other subplots, my own Washington Wizards are locked in a mortal battle with the Lebron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers that's turned into a CW/WB/UPN sitcom of it's own.

Game Six looms on Friday, so things are likely to change again by the time you read this post. But the Cliff Notes version is Wizards role player DeShawn Stevenson (yeah, the credit card dude) called King James overrated, Lebron brushes him off by saying responding would be like Jay-Z dissing a one hit wonder like Soulja Boy. Stevenson responds by inviting Soulja Boy to sit courtside at last week's playoff game. Jay-Z responds with a Stevenson diss record that gets played in DC nightclubs, which is the ultimate disrespect to The Wizards, who are now boycotting said nightclubs.

Meanwhile, on the court, Stevenson and Co. edged the Cavs in Cleveland last night, setting up the biggest Game Six in my lifetime, and wouldn't you know it, I can't afford any tickets because I bought that $6 cereal last week.

Watching grown men behave like 8 year olds = Priceless.

I. Love. This. Game.

Question: Do you think Paul Piece was actually flashing gang signs or merely expressing his "blood, sweat, and tears" ethos to his opponent? How darn trivial is this Lebron vs DeShawn feud?

Paul Pierce’s Court Gesture No Joke [Boston Herald]

Jay Z's DeShawn Song [Washington Post]