Live(ish) From The New Hampshire Debates

Through the magic of cable television and a sleeping AverageBaby, here's my observations on the first Democratic debate, in progress from sunny New Hampshire.

Chris Dodd - Does not look or sound Presidential. He looks more like a butcher. Seriously, couldn't you imagine this dude behind the meat counter at Safeway?

Dennis Kucinich - The novelty is fading. At least he has the strawberry blonde trophy wife to go home to. Speaking of which, what is it will all these old dudes (McCain, Romney, Thompson, Kucinich) and their decidedly younger blonde trophy wives? I give John Edwards credit for not ungrading.

Bill Richardson - His inner Hispanic is beginning to show. Seriously, two months ago when he declared, this dude was Casper pale. Now he looks like George Lopez. You know, if George Lopez sported a really, really ratty hairpiece.

Mike Gravel - Every campaign needs a crochety old man. And boy, is this dude OLD! He makes Alan Cranston look like a teenybopper.

Hilary Clinton - Man, talk about a woman scorned. She shouts, she rages, she intimidates with a wonky side-eye. This woman scares the hell outta me. She can't be easy to live with. Do you really want her running your country? And they say sistas are the ones with attitude.

Barack Obama - In waaay over his head. Sorry Barry, but you stumbled and stuttered, and bumbled far too often. The Magic Negro veneer is beginning to wear thin.

John Edwards - The $400 haircuts are distracting, but give the man some credit for being a straight (if not country as hell) speaker who can admit past wrongs.

Joe Biden - Not to be confused with Def Jam rapper, Joe Budden. Bold, confident, and well spoken, but sorry, I just can't watch him and not remember his "articulate" and "clean" comments about Obama a few months ago.

The AverageBro Final Score
Winner: Edwards
Runner Up: Biden
Time To Consider Your Career Options: Gravel