Blame The Black Guy

"I Wasn't Driving, the Black Kid Was"
America's Favorite Junkie Lindsay Lohan, joined the esteemed ranks of Susan Smith, the Runaway Bride, Police, The Federal Government, and Black Women* Coast-To-Coast when she recently used America's Favorite Alibi: Blame The Black Guy!

Apparently, after being stopped, charged with another DUI, and getting busted with cocaine in her pants pocket, Lohan blamed a black passenger in the SUV she allegedly hijacked.

Just before Lindsay Lohan was arrested early Tuesday morning, she commandeered a car and took three men hostage -- this, according to the three men who were in the car with her.

TMZ interviewed all three, and here's the lowdown: Rewind to Monday afternoon. Dante Nigro, Jakon Sutter and Ronnie Blake drove to Malibu with the boyfriend of Lindsay Lohan's assistant. Lindsay and her assistant ran into Dante and friends. Later, the assistant text-messaged Dante, saying Lindsay wanted to invite him to a Malibu party that night.

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn't stop she'd get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble."

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, "I wasn't driving. The black kid was driving."

There's no real reason to believe the various slackers seen in these clips from TMZ, but then again, why shouldn't we? Dante Nigro (what a name!) and pals look really bitchmade for trying to play the innocent victim role here. Reality is, these three losers probably loaned/allowed use of their car to a stoned Lohan, probably hoping to score with a starlet. Obviously, that plan didn't play out to their liking, so now they claim they were abducted. Nigro Please (couldn't resist)! This whole "we've been wronged, cut the check" shakedown is eerily reminiscent of the whole KKKKramer charade a few months back. Then again, those equally bitchmade cats are probably gonna get caked up for their inconvenience so hey, if you can't beat em'...

I could probably go off on some "this type of hollow victimization overshadows true-life racism that real people experience everyday", but that would be too obvious, and hey, that record's beginning to skip.

Get your money Dante Nigro. And, in the words of my grandma, "Watch who you let in your car". A rule every black man should know by heart.

Lindsay: "I Wasn't Driving, the Black Kid Was" [TMZ]

* Sistas, please don't get mad. I ran short on examples. And it's sorta true anyway if you think about it.