Scooter Gets Off

Just in case you evar questioned G-Dub's gangsta, "W" made sure you knew who really ran thangs yesterday when he commuted his homie Scooter Libby's sentence, insuring that the former White House aide will nevar, evar see a day behind bars.

As I told you here a few weeks back, the White House had a decision to make when Libby was found guilty of leaking the identity of CIA operative Valerie Plame. In an attempt to no doubt get back at her husband, an ambassador who questioned the Bush administration's approach to Iraq, Dick Cheney had Scooter drop dime. If you've ever watched any spy movie, you know this is professional (and sometimes otherwise) suicide for a person who works undercover.

Of course, the Feds launch a half-hearted investigation into the whole thing, and as opposed to going for the jugular (Bush/Cheney), they stick it to a relative peon, grilling Libby to spill the beans. But if you think the whole "don't snitch" ethos is prevalent in the hood' imagine when control of the free world, not just a street corner that you don't even own, is thrown into jeopardy. Libby could have cracked, but this would have been suicide (professional and otherwise) for him.

I can only imagine that convo in the Oval Office.

Dick Cheney: "Now they're going to ask you alot of questions, you know this, right?"

Scooter Libby, sobbing lightly: "Yyyess."

DC: "And you have your story correct, don't you?"

SL: "Uhhmmm, yyyyeaaahhh."

DC: "Straighten up."

SL, shaking uncontrollably: "uuuhhh, yeahh."

DC, smacking Libby across sweaty jaw: "Don't get up there and snitch!"

SL, still jittery: "Iiii, iiii, won't."

DC: "You're acting like a lil' bitch right now, Scooter."

SL, suddenly defiant: "You aren't the one going to Jessup to room with a 6-7, 280 pound dude named Raekwon. Do you know what they do to guys in prison named Scooter? Huh, do you? Huh?"

DC, slapping Libby uncontrollably: "Snap out of it, Lewis, stop acting like a bitch! I told you we'd take care of you if you took care of us. And if you don't take care of us...." Voice trails off, as if to infer something.

SL, looking quizzical: "No, what happens if I tell the truth."

DC, leans in closely for emphasis: "When's the last time you heard about Harriet Miers." Grins mischievously with left eye half-cocked.

SL, suddenly coming to senses: "So, tell me what to say."

DC: "Repeat after me, 'I have no knowledge of how the leak occurred.'"

SL: "I have no knowledge..."

And that's that. Of course, not snitching landed Libby in slammer for 30 months, but having friends in high places gets the sentence commuted, and it's time to Party Like a Rock Star. Lil' Kim is envious.

If this isn't the biggest, most blatant middle finger to American voters, I don't know what is. Clearly, Bush rans the numbers, realized he already had the worst approval rating evar, and figured "what's a few more points, fuck it, let my boy out early." Of course, there's still the charge itself, which I'm sure will be pardoned on Bush's way out of the door. Thus, the $250,000 fine won't ever be a problem.

Man, now that's gangsta.

And they wonder why people don't vote.

Bush wipes away Libby's prison sentence [AP]