Alan Keyes and the GOP's Half-Assed Quest For Black Votes

Every four years or so, we hear murmurs about the GOP getting serious about "stealing the black vote from the Democratic Party", as if black folks are some homogeneous herd of sheep who just blindly support a given political party.

Ooops, my bad, we actually are.

Anyways, we get treated to pandering speeches, quasi-propaganda (gay marriage becomes a wedge issue spouted in pulpits across Ohio, paving the way for Bush's re-election in 04'), and milquetoast "black politicians" like Lynn Swann, Michael Steele, and the GOP's favorite pinch-hitting token re-tread, Alan Keyes.

Keyes, whom you might remember for his short-lived jokes of a candidacy in 96' and 2000, and his even shorter-lived joke of a challenge to Barack Obama in 04', doesn't have anything better to do, so the GOP is enlisting his services for another few months in the name of "diversifying the ticket".

Alan Keyes, a Republican whose two previous runs for president ended in failure, is making a third try for the White House.

The Maryland conservative announced on his Web site that he filed paperwork with the Federal Election Commission on Friday to make his candidacy official. He joins a crowded Republican field of nine candidates and is scheduled to participate Monday night at a debate involving lesser-known candidates in Florida.

Keyes, a former State Department official under President Reagan, made unsuccessful presidential runs in 1996 and 2000. He also has been a Senate candidate from Maryland, and, in 2004, he suffered a 43-percentage point loss to Democrat Barack Obama in the Senate race in Illinois. Republicans drafted Keyes after primary winner Jack Ryan dropped out amid a scandal.

Every time I watch this guy speak, I can't help but think about the brilliant but slept-on movie Undercover Brother, which was easily Eddie Griffin's finest 15 minutes. There's a part in the movie where Undercover Brother goes, well, undercover as a corporate minion named Antoine Jackson (no photo available) to infiltrate "The Man".

Look at Keyes and tell me he ain't the real life Antoine Jackson. The resemblance is uncanny. Of course, he isn't exactly infiltrating anything. He is in "The Man's" back pocket.

Case in point: I couldn't help but notice the odd timing of Keyes' candidacy and the subsequent exodus of all big-name GOP candidates from the upcoming PBS Republican debate at Morgan State University.

U.S. Republican presidential hopefuls are citing scheduling conflicts for declining an invitation to a debate at an African-American college. Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Mitt Romney have sent their regrets to the organizers of a Sept. 27 debate at Morgan State University in Maryland.

The New York Daily News said Saturday the decision by so many of the top GOP contenders has irked debate organizers, who see it as a snub of the black vote. A spokeswoman for the Giuliani campaign told the News the accelerated campaign schedule this year has made it difficult for candidates to attend every debate to which they are invited.

Fred Thompson is rumored to be sending his regrets too, which means this nationally televised debate on "black issues" will probably have a bunch of 3rd tier candidates (Ron Paul, Huckabee, etc.) on a loosely populated with a noticeably slighted Tavis Smiley moderating. That could of course get very ugly, thus the call for Keyes just in time to save the day. It's not like he had anything better to do of course.

Remember this Grand Hu$tle when the GOP makes their token half-assed attempt to convince you that Rudy deserves your vote next November.

Here's some bonus footage of the man himself in action. Go Antoine, go! On the flipside, at least there's one GOP candidate we KNOW Barry can beat. Rudy? Not so much.



JC Watts is crying inside.

Keyes Makes 3rd Bid for Presidency [ABC]
GOP leaders beg off black-sponsored debate [UPI]