AverageBro NewsBriefs

Ok, it's another one of those weeks where the Day Job is actually asking for it's money's worth. The nerve of some folks! Anyways, here's all the news that's fit to blog, but not worth a post of it's own.

Poli-TRICKS as Usual

Wendy Cortez (pictured above, since I know you were wondering), the hooker that LA Senator David Vitter "did his business" with is talking. She says he routinely paid for the na-na 2-3 times a week, while he was in New Orleans. This, apparently is not related to similar charges of "johning" that Vitter racked up re: the DC Madame case, which means this dude is pretty much a serial solicitor. Of course, this woman is being paid to say all this, and is only doing so because she has an upcoming spread in Hustler Magazine, so who knows?

Still, I wonder why the Republicans (and Dems) were so quick to bounce Larry Craig for doing essentially the same thing (albeit with a dude), but are noticeably silent about calling for Vitter to resign. Isn't solicitation solicitation, regardless of the gender?

On other notes, Bush finally orders a withdrawal of troops, at least a partial one. Claims war in Iraq is "a victory". Bin Laden and DJ Clue release new mixtape. 9-11 in a joke, but those lives can never be brought back. Barry Obama gets help from Oprah fundraiser, but reality is, unless Hillary Clinton decides to go work for UPS, Barry 4 Prez is dead in the water. It will be Hillary vs Rudy next Fall. I'm already looking at real estate in Ontario.

Not to be outdone in this shameful Festival of Crappy Politicians is Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. I told you a few weeks ago that Kilpatrick and the city were being sued by a couple of former police officers who claim Kilpatrick had them fired when they tried to blow the whistle on his extramarital affairs and connections to a dead stripper whom his wife allegedly caught him with and beat with a bat. Seriously folks, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Well, the jury agreed, awarding the two officers a $6.5M settlement. Kilpatrick, stunned by the verdict, digs right into the book of Disgraced Negro Excuses, and claims that since the jury was mostly white, he never had a chance. Negro Please! Try keepin' it in your pants, and staying away from strippers named Strawberry. Any woman named after a fruit (Cherri, Clementine, and yes, I even knew of a girl named LemonJello once) is bad news from the jump.

Rap Is Outta Control

This shouldn't really be new news to anyone familiar with the rap game, but it seems like these bamas have been seriously kirkin' out lately. I realize I probably just lost 90% of my non-DC readers. Translation: rappers have been acting extra ignorant of late.

The whole Kanye vs 50 thing just turned out to be an elaborate PR stunt just like I expected. For some odd reason, I turned on the TV last night around 6:30 and it just happened to be tuned to BET. Seriously, I didn't plan this. Anyway, the Curtis vs Ye' "battle" turned out to be even more lame than I'd predicted. They didn't even "trade" lip-synched singles. They actually sat on the couch together and complimented each other. It was pretty sickening, honestly, because it shows that even the most gutter level of hip-hop (the battle) has dissolved into a corporate construct to move more units.

As I mentioned before, I've acquired both of these albums already, and on 4th listen, I'd now say "Curtis" isn't as bad as I initially slammed it for being. 50 fans (the few that remain) will enjoy it because it's more of the same. It's not like he's ever made great albums in the past anyway, so it's uneven quality won't disappoint anyone. "Graduation" is still the better of the two, but I think Kayne's "rich-guy Carlton-esque" shtick is wearing thin. It won't be long before people are tired of him too. Still, he should edge 50 (nobody calls him Fiddy except the truly un-hip) in first week sales, but they'll both lose to country crooner Kenney Chesney.

On (un)related notes: Kanye throws another tantrum after he loses all VMA's he was nominated for, 50 nearly electrocutes himself when "makin it rain with fake dollar bills" nearly goes tragically wrong yet again, Trick Daddy gets his ass whipped after actin' the fool at a strip club , and Foxy Brown gets a year in the slammer for just generally being an untalented nuisance. Did I mention she's also pregnant? That child will be "huggin' on his mama from a jail cell. Damnit, we got to do better. Hip Hop IS Dead.

Athletes Are Dumb

This isn't really a new development, but more athletes did dumb stuff this week. Cardinals pitcher turned slugger Rick Ankiel was the feel-good redemption story of a baseball season mired in Barry Bonds (who has disappeared since hitting 756) steroid allegations. The press played this guy up as being a Great American Hero, overcoming injury and personal tragedy, to re-invent himself as a home run hitter. It was an inspirational story. It was heart wrenching. It was full of crap.

Turns out the dude was more than likely roided up the whole time. Just great.

In ignorant NBA news, more players need new/better weed carriers, Gilbert Arenas gets thrown out of his home by his baby moms, and local baller/solicitor Andray Blatche gets assigned to "John School". Damn, would October 31st hurry up and get here already before one of these bamas kills himself?

Oops, too late.

Other Miscellaneous Crap

Rutgers Player Withdraws Imus Suit - I told ya'll a few weeks ago that Rutgers baller Kia Vaughn was a moron for trying to sue Don Imus for defamation of character. Her lawyer said she chose to "focus on her education" instead of going forward with this frivolous BS, and that she wasn't paid off. I say, she must read AvBro. Now get back to those Mikan drills, Kia.

Britney Spears Bombs Horribly at VMAs - Oops, she didn't do it again. Looking bloated and a few steps slow, America's Former Sweetheart seems headed back the the trailer park. Don't call it a comeback.

Janet Jackson "Wardrobe Malfunction" still in court - How is it that Janet's career has been dead since "Damita Jo", but these bamas are still concerned about her flashing a boob 3 years later?

Isaiah Thomas Sexual Harassment Trial Begins in NY - And you thought coaching the Knicks was punishment enough. Freaky Zeke' is accused of excessively hitting on a former community relations staffer. Also alleged in the suit: our favorite point guard/philanthropist Stephon Marbury allegedly had an affair with one of the accuser's co-workers. Well, at least this guy's being generous with spreading the ball(s) around. Give him credit for that much.