[Editor's Note: Vanilla Latte loves the kids. She just doesn't want any.]
Remember that Staples commercial with the dad skipping around to “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” - when it was time for the kids to go back to school and the parents could get a little peace and quiet?
Well, that’s how I view parenthood today—a joyous jubilation when the kids are out of the house. I cannot begin to count how many times I’ve heard parents comment about the kids going to school, camp, etc so they can catch a break. See, it’s just that my husband and I get to enjoy it year round because we are “childless by choice”.
Wait…three, two, one…I know y’all have already started thinking the worst of me.
“You hate kids”
“If you had your own kids you wouldn’t feel that way”
“You’re just selfish”.
Oh yes, my friends, I’ve heard them all. I even had a manager tell me, “I bet you don’t want kids because you don’t want to ruin your figure”.
Why, yes, that’s exactly right. I don’t want children because I don’t want to have to deal with “baby fat”.
No, actually, I just don’t want to deal with the baby.
My husband and I are D.I.N.K.’s—double income no kids. And we have no regrets. But, man oh man, have we been peppered with some ugly rhetoric on the topic. Last time I checked my ovaries belonged to me…not grandma and grandpa…and definitely not the church. When I married my husband we knew BEFORE the wedding we didn’t want children. It was a joint decision 17 years ago and our marriage is a strong one because we knew going into to this adventure that children would not be a part of it.
Here are a few advantages of being childless: no vomit, no explosive diarrhea, no screaming fits, no public tantrums, no talking back, no demands of a car, no allowance, no “Mommy & Me” play dates, sleeping in every Saturday and Sunday as late as we’d like. The list goes on and on.
Note to parents when socializing with childless couples: 1.) Please don’t spend the entire evening talking about your kids…unless there are several bottles of wine and/or vodka shots available. 2.) Please don’t ask the woman if she’s “infertile or sterile”. 3.) Please don’t ask if they’d consider adoption. 4.) Please don’t assume they hate kids just because they cringe when screaming children enter the room.
They’re just not used to those noise levels.
DINKS like my husband and I enjoy freedom. We come and go when we please. We aren’t at the mercy of anyone’s schedule except our own. If I want to drop the “F” bomb like a drunken sailor I can let it rip. And I don’t feel compelled to socialize with other mommies. I roll to my own beat and that does not involve being politically correct and playing nice with other mommies. There is a certain social correctness parents adhere to with other parents. But our kids don’t go to school together. They’re not in Scouts or dance class together. And if I have an unpopular opinion you can’t take it out on my kid.
So, if you know that you don’t want kids don’t feel compelled to procreate to appease your parents or church. Procreate because you love your partner and want to enjoy a child together. To today’s parents—God bless you. It takes a strong person to be a good parent. I know my limits and I choose not to procreate. We have no regrets and if you don’t want children you should not be made to feel ashamed or a lesser part of society. Be honest about your feelings because at the end of the day—don’t bring a life into this world if your heart is not in it. And remember, you can sleep in every weekend if you choose.
Question: Are children in your future? Have you and your partner/spouse discussed having/wanting children? If you’re childless have you ever experienced any discrimination/rude behavior from others on the topic? If you have children do you think views on starting a “family” have changed since you made your choices? Is parenthood entirely overrated?
