It's fun to pick on failed 80's entertainer MC Hammer after the fact. Sure, dude's now reduced to self-deprecating commercials, and dancin' and sangin' for evangelicals. Even KFC won't give him a return call. But once, long, long ago, Stanley Kirk Burrell was actually a respected entertainer who had the cajones to challenge Michael Jackson to a dance-off, not merely a walking Negro trivia card answer. And like most rappers, he had an entourage of 100+ weedcarriers, a few of whom got album deals of their very own. Some of em' were listenable, some of them made the ears bleed. Lets take a trip down memory lane, shall we?
Oaktown 357 - "Juicy Gotcha Krazy (Cold Goin' Mad)"
What these one-time Hammer backup dancers lacked in pure mic skills and overall talent they more than made up for with booty. The telltale sign that a female entertainer realizes her best assets are, well, behind her, is how much time she spends with her back to the camera. This isn't strictly an Oaktown thang neither. Peep any ghetto gossip blog and checkout the typical pose when your favorite singer/actress appears on the red carpet. Tell me ya'll ain't notice this trend before now. Now, respect the architects, cause Terrible T and Sweet LD been had booty shots! Bend over and touch yer' toes, ladies!
B Angie B - "So Much Love"
B Angie B was Hammer's backup singer, and appears on many of his other hits. Laugh all you want at the corny moniker, but this chick could actually sang, and scored a handful (okay, more like 2 or 3) of hits. Her gospel-meets-hood'-meets-Stephanie Mills style worked for awhile at least. I don't really care to know what's going on in this video with that guy swimming, but no need to fake: I liked this song, and every now and then you'll hear it on one of those quiet storm shows they play around 10pm at night. I wonder which East Bay Area Sizzler she's working the cash register at nowadays. Prolly Richmond. Pittsburg. Nah, Vallejo. Definitely Vallejo.
Too Big MC - "They Put Me In The Mix"
Hammer's Ace WeedCarrier, Too Big MC, enjoyed a rap career so fruitless that not only can't I recall his one "hit", but there's no record of it on the Youtubes. Instead, enjoy Too Big's groundbreaking guest appearance on this seminal Hammer track. He makes his cameo around the 4:00 mark. Who says fat dudes ain't got bars? Too Big been had bars, mane! Take that Rick Ro$$!!! Bawse Fail!!!
Whatever His All-Guy Sangin' Group Was Called - "Have You Seen Her"
Sorry, but no, I do not recall the names of the poor saps who harmonized "Have You Seen Her" on this musical atrocity, not am I consulting the WikiPedia. They were that insignificant. But for the love of Black Jesus, what was Hammer's obsession with showing his private parts in videos? Between the unnecessary mooning around the :50 mark, and that infamous sock-stuffing "Pumps N A Bump" vid, dude clearly was on some extra sh*t. These singers? Well, they're probably cleaning off B Angie B's tables.
Others Not Notable Enough To Merit An Embeddable YouTube: Ace Juice, that little boy with the tornado haircut, that grown-assed man with the tornado haircut, Deion Sanders, that white guy.
Question: Who was your favorite Hammer weedcarrier? All jokes aside, did you ever see this guy in concert? Seriously, not need to fake, dude was an entertainer. I mean, when you got like 70-some people onstage, it's hard not to be.
