Halle Berry Owes $16K/Month In Child Support. Stevie J Is $1M In Arrears.

As a guy married for nearly 13 years, I can tell you marriage is work. Mix in kids, and it damn near becomes a 2nd day job, albeit one with great benefits. The adage goes "it's cheaper to keep her", which is a nice way of telling men they're better off staying married than getting divorced and being forced to live in a van down by the river. Not that I need reminding, because I have plenty of family and friends who have had their futures wrecked by the dreaded combination of divorce and spousal support. Of course, you should contribute to the financial wellbeing of your kids, but what's a reasonable price?

Two celebrities are on separate ends of a dreaded court order, and I'm wondering if how people are judging both is due to the gender of the person involved.

Halle Berry has a hefty new expense. The Oscar-winning actress has to pay over $16,000 in child support each month to her ex, Gabriel Aubry, to provide for their 6-year-old daughter Nahla, the Los Angeles Superior Court ordered.

Berry's monthly bill will remain in effect until Nahla turns 19 or graduates high school, whichever occurs first, according to court documents obtained by CNN. The settlement came on May 30, at the end of lengthy child support legal battle.

The court also ordered Berry to pay $115,000 retroactively in child support, as well as to cover her ex-boyfriend's legal fees, which amount to $300,000. The "X-Men: Days of Future Past" star is fully responsible for Nahla's tuition, while both parents will divide health care costs.

In the words of that sage American hero Jax Teller, JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Not to be outdone, "reality TV star" Steebie Stevie J just got arrested for something quite heinous. Yes, even more heinous than acting like a moron on TV and marrying Joseline.

Reality-TV star and onetime hit producer Stevie J has been arrested after racking up what TMZ reports is a "million-dollar child support debt." According to the gossip site, the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta star is currently in jail after he allegedly stopped paying a court-ordered $8,500 monthly child support payment in 2001.

According to a criminal complaint seen by TMZ, Stevie J fathered two children with his then live-in girlfriend in 1997 and 1998 and was initially ordered to pay $6,500 in child support in 1999. That amount was raised to $8,500 a few years later.

TMZ reports that Stevie J hasn't paid child support in some 13 years, bringing his estimated total back child support owed to $1,107,412!

Breh, how can you not pay child support for 13 years? How is that even possible, and why exactly is the children's mother (how old are these kids by now, 25?) just now trying to collect?

My theory is pretty simple: this guy probably had an agreement with the child's mother to give her whatever he could, off the grid, and she agreed. Years later, he's on reality to flossin' like he's a millionaire and she decides she wants a chunk. Turns out that chunk is well over a million dollars for two damn kids. Amazing.

I've heard it said before, and it bears repeating: if you've ever in such a position, establish child support via the courts immediately and pay. Under the table support doesn't count in the system, and should the recipient decide your under the table arrangement isn't sufficient, she can file and recieve money retroactively, which wouldn't take into account any of what you've already paid. Or if you're in Stevie's case and suddenly go from making Bad Boy money to No Money Mo Problems money, lawyer up, go to court and get your monthly obligation modified downward. Any black man who has spent hours of his formative years in a black barbershop would know this, as well as a million and one other legal tidbits. Life hacks, my arse.

As for Berry, well damn. $16k a month to a guy we weren't ever married to is bad enough, but I'm also wondering how she managed to lose custody in the first place. 9 times out of 10, the courts will deem the mother the optimal parent for a child unless she has some serious mental/substance abuse issues. I don't know much about Berry, but jeez, with the money she has, she must be really screwed up if the courts gave her daughter to the kid's father.

Either way, let this be a lesson for everyone: pull out!

Question: Thoughts? Opinions? Got a gruesome child support story of your own you wanna share?