AverageBro: Mark Sanford: Certified Sparky DoucheBag.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mark Sanford: Certified Sparky DoucheBag.

Could someone in the GOP please, please, please call Yaw's Boy Money Mark and tell him to just shut up already? It's pretty clear the guy's wife has no interest in him, other than for the sake of their kids. He's absolutely going to lose his Day Job. He's pissed all over any political future he had. He's gonna get taken to the cleaners in divorce court. And apparently his spicy Latina isn't even returning his Tweets anymore.

Sanford got a miracle reprieve from the news cycles due to a few unfortunate deaths at the end of last week, and most people would see this as a sign to lay low. But what does this moron do? He goes on a rambling interview with the Associated Press.

Quotes from Mark Sanford's wide-ranging interview with The Associated Press, conducted in his Statehouse office over two days:

On other women he encountered on trips outside the U.S. but before he met his Argentine lover, Maria Belen Chapur, with whom he said he crossed a line he hadn't crossed before: "What I would say is that I've never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have. You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn't have gone ... If you're a married guy at the end of the day you shouldn't be dancing with somebody else. So anyway without wandering into that field we'll just say that I let my guard down in all senses of the word without ever crossing the line that I crossed with this situation."

On meeting Chapur for coffee during the Republican National Convention in New York in 2004: "I remember there was an older couple sitting to our right, and I remember them watching us, in the way that we interacted. They could see a spark, or, I don't know what you'd call it, but there was something there."

On his most recent trip to see Chapur in Argentina: "No, she knew I was coming. Didn't believe I was coming, but I got down on one knee and said I am here in the hope that we can prove this whole thing to be a mirage."

On weighing his political career against his relationship with her: "I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate. But it was one of those things, I knew the cost."

On his relationship with Chapur: "This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, that it's a love story ... a forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."

On trying to deal with his feelings for her: "It's about incredibly deep conflicts, between one's heart and one's value system, and an 8 1/2 year wrestling match on that front."

On the affair: "Everyone of us is going to be at that death bed one day and we're going to look back over the whole of our lives and we're going to ask, you know, was or what we're willing to risk certain things that may be viewed as a stupid trade-off by the rest of the world but that's for each person to determine. And so if you end up 50 years here on earth and you know, alright, maybe I get another 30 and if you come into connection with a soul that touches yours in a way that no one's ever has, even if it's a place you can't go, this notion of knowing that you know, for me, became very important."

Jesus, buddy, let it go and have some humility for once! It's clear that Sanford has no love for his wife, the animosity is evident on both sides. But what about your kids, mane? Seriously. We don't need to know all this. Yeah, you got caught up and caught feelings for a woman you could probably never have in a perfect world. But don't be a jerk. There are children involved here. Wouldn't it be better to just issue a no-comment and keep this all lovely dovey stuff to yourself?

And get outta here with that "I've never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have. You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn't have gone" nonsense. This bama knows he been smashin' interns and soccer moms. Isn't that more or less a perk of the job nowadays? That's as much a boldfaced lie as "hey girl, just let me put the tip in". C'mon Mark, you lied about the number of times you saw your Argentine mistress (his current recollection is up to 7). You're smart enough to know that the other random jumpoffs you "danced" with are bout' to come out the woodwork for their 15 minutes any moment now. This will prolly get really ugly, and it didn't need to. MJ gave you a posthumous "get outta the papers free" pass, and your dumb behind can't shut up long enough to use it. What. A. Loser.

On a related matter, I don't pretend to understand women, so I have a probing question for the ladies here. Yeah, we know Mark Sanford has a way with the prose, but I'm willing to bet that Maria Chapur was prolly mostly attracted to the power of being courted by a Congressman, then Governor. Mix in the danger of possibly getting caught, the break from mundane everyday life, etc. and I'm sure you have a recipe for attraction. Remove those things from the equation, and now you've got an unemployed guy sleeping in a Motel 8 down by the river, whose wages are garnished for child support, and who suddenly has to go pickup his kids every other weekend. I'm stretching a bit here, but I'd assume that most women would probably be somewhat less interested in said guy after all this. Am I right or am I right?

Question: Ladies, does my theory hold true? Would a typical "mistress" lose attraction to a guy after the fall he's likely about to take? How many mistresses will eventually turn up?

Quotes from SC gov's wide-ranging AP interview [AP]

Quotes from Mark Sanford's wide-ranging interview with The Associated Press, conducted in his Statehouse office over two days:

On other women he encountered on trips outside the U.S. but before he met his Argentine lover, Maria Belen Chapur, with whom he said he crossed a line he hadn't crossed before: "What I would say is that I've never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have. You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn't have gone ... If you're a married guy at the end of the day you shouldn't be dancing with somebody else. So anyway without wandering into that field we'll just say that I let my guard down in all senses of the word without ever crossing the line that I crossed with this situation."

On meeting Chapur for coffee during the Republican National Convention in New York in 2004: "I remember there was an older couple sitting to our right, and I remember them watching us, in the way that we interacted. They could see a spark, or, I don't know what you'd call it, but there was something there."

On his most recent trip to see Chapur in Argentina: "No, she knew I was coming. Didn't believe I was coming, but I got down on one knee and said I am here in the hope that we can prove this whole thing to be a mirage."

On weighing his political career against his relationship with her: "I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate. But it was one of those things, I knew the cost."

On his relationship with Chapur: "This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, that it's a love story ... a forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day."

On trying to deal with his feelings for her: "It's about incredibly deep conflicts, between one's heart and one's value system, and an 8 1/2 year wrestling match on that front."

On the affair: "Everyone of us is going to be at that death bed one day and we're going to look back over the whole of our lives and we're going to ask, you know, was or what we're willing to risk certain things that may be viewed as a stupid trade-off by the rest of the world but that's for each person to determine. And so if you end up 50 years here on earth and you know, alright, maybe I get another 30 and if you come into connection with a soul that touches yours in a way that no one's ever has, even if it's a place you can't go, this notion of knowing that you know, for me, became very important."