Just In Case You Need Something To Induce Nausea...

We all know college sports is little more than a sham. The kids are routinely exploited and discarded when no longer useful. The schools make a sh*tload of money off them, yet don't give them a cut. This is wrong, but we keep on cheering anyway, especially at this time of year.

As you watch those kids slug it out this weekend for a shot at One Shining Moment, remember that this sorta nonsense is lurking just behind the scenes.

Memphis Coach John Calipari will become the new coach at the University of Kentucky, according to a longtime friend of Calipari’s. An announcement could come Wednesday.

Calipari planned to fly to Lexington on a private plane Tuesday night to complete the details of his contract. The Associated Press reported last night that Calipari agreed to an eight-year, $31.65 million deal, which would make him the highest-paid coach in college basketball.

Calipari will get a significant raise from his $2.3 million salary in Memphis. Florida’s Billy Donovan is the country’s highest-paid coach, at $3.5 million a year.

In a media spectacle that is become typical for coaching decisions at a high-profile university, a group of fans camped outside Calipari’s home pleading for him to stay at Memphis.

In nine seasons at Memphis, he has a 252-68 record. Last season, he led the Tigers to the national title game, which they lost to Kansas.

The biggest question Tuesday was how many of the blue-chip recruits who had committed to Memphis, and to Calipari, would follow him to Lexington. Two of them, Xavier Henry and DeMarcus Cousins, top 5 prospects who will play in the McDonald’s All-American game in Miami, told the local news media that they would reopen their recruitments.

So, Calipari can simply take his pick of best offers and uproot in the middle of the night, even though he hasn't technically won jack sh*t at any level of basketball. Again, gaudy record, but this dude has seen no parts of a championship. That didn't stop Kentucky from breaking him off with a monstrous $4M/year contract to coach a children's game. Even better, Calipari (who has virtually mastered the 1 & Done recruiting market) gets to bring along the bananas recruiting class he'd already gotten to commit to Memphis. They can simply step away from their letters of intent and follow him to the Bluegrass State, where he'll exploit them in a lousy cow town without good BBQ.

His "former" Memphis team? Well, those guys are ass out. They stay at Memphis, and they're subject to the playing time/rotation whims of a new coach they never promised to play for. They could conceivably transfer and follow Calipari, but they'd have to sit a year, and given the shaky commitment he's given them thus far, why would they?

If I sound somewhat bitter, it's because I simply don't like Calipari. He looks like a real slimeball, and I still can't shake that incident with the Hispanic beat reporter back when he coached the Nets. Of course there was that lopsided verbal sparring match with John "I'll Kill You! You're Dead!" Chaney, where Coach Cal successfully painted himself as a victim, rather than an instigator.



We already know about his shady dealings that involve hiring the AAU coaches of certain recruits to get them to commit to his school. This is perfectly legal, which shows that the NCAA is full of sh*t. Again, could you name another gig where they'd put your Mom on the payroll, just to hire you? That don't sound too "amateur" to me.

The coach is getting $4M a year. Pay the damn kids, already.

Question: Does paying $4M taxpayer dollars a year to a coach with no championships sicken you?

Kentucky Will Hire Calipari as Its Coach [NYTimes]

Mama, I'm In The Paper!!! (Again)

In case you haven't noticed from my lack of comment replies, I'm on assignment this week. Thus, I'm away from DC, and didn't notice this sooner. Thanks to my main man MarrioP for letting me know that AB.com was featured in today's Washington Post Express newspaper's Blog Log section. Yesterday's blurb about Lebron James was the fodder, which continues the odd trend of The Post only quoting my Negro Nonsense-related drops. Go figure. I'm obviously not complaining because the extra traffic sure helps, but there's more substantive stuff than just sports and rappers here, guys. C'mon, I'm you're making me look bad.

For those in the DC Metro Urreah, cop one on your way to the train this evening. Ya' boy is on Page 40. For the rest of you, here's a link to the online blog version, as well as the PDF of the actual printed newspaper for those of you (ie: AverageSis & my mother) who wanna keep this one in perpetuity.

LeBron Is A Good Human, Too [WashPostExpress]

WashPost Express 3.31.9 [PDF File]

Channel Your Inner White Guy - Quiet Storm Edition.

While 80's pop music is mostly known for garish synthesizers and tacky outfits, there was also some decent "slow" music made during The Greatest Decade Evar. I can't exactly say I've ever put the following tunes on a Maxell tape, but they're good background music nonetheless.

Enjoy this very special edition of CYIW with the one you love, or at least in an elevator you like. It's right at home in either place.



Question: Got any 80's Pop "Quiet Storm" favorites?

Ashy Or Classy?!? : TI's AKOO Clothing Line.

After a year of probation, you're about to head to jail for a year after getting busted with a basement full of guns. You just beat your baby mama's request for increased child support. Your albums are selling out the stores. You can command $100k for each "going away" concert. Life is good. So how do you celebrate? Why, with (yet another!) a tacky vanity clothing line, of course.

How strange is it that TI's sentence was pushed back because of "prior committments"? He will now go to jail sometime after May 19th, or whatever date's most convenient to his travel and touring schedule. Apparently the judge was one of the few folks who actually liked Paper Trail and wants to give the (c)Rapper more time to work on his next project, which prolly will include "You Can Get Whatever You Like (As Long As You've Got Good Jewish Lawyers)" as the lead single. TI will eventually serve 366 days, or something like that. Again, if you've got enough money, black, white, or purple, you can lawyer-up and beat them charges like Rocky, even if it's your 87th run in with the law, and you were busted with a stockpile of military grade weapons. What. A. Country.

One day, TI will indeed head to the clink, but if you wanna keep the dream alive while counting down the days till his next album, you're in luck. AKOO stands for A King Of Onself. If you can explain to me why A King Of Oneself feels the need to snitch in order to get himself a sweetheart plea bargain, please elaborate you-know-where.



Anyways, here's the goods.











Yes, this stuff is predictably overpriced and will inevitably end up in the clearance bin at Marshall's, but compared to some of the other hideous clothing lines we've featured in Ashy Or Classy?, this one ain't bad. Some of it's a bit too tight and tailored for my middle-aged tastes, but then again, TIP don't weigh but a buck fifteen, so I guess they had no choice.

Price, and disdain for its namesake aside, I say AKOO is Classy. What say ye'?

Question: Ashy or Classy?!? Would you rock AKOO by TI?

T.I. Sentenced To One Year and a Day In Prison, Could Serve Less [RollingStone]

AKOO Clothing by TI [Official Website]

Stop Lurking!!!

Most bloggers will proclaim time and time again that they'd write whether or not people respond, and don't care how many comments they get. And most bloggers would also be lying, because lets face it, most people that take the time to blog do so because they want feedback.

Saying otherwise would be akin to the fallacy of the professional athlete who claims he'd "play the game even if he didn't get paid, because it's all about the love". Riiight. And I assume these same athletes would also do two-a-days, subsist off little more than protein shakes and flaxseed, and wakeup to lift weights if they weren't getting paid $13M/year to do so.

I sure hope you get my point.

Just in case you didn't, most (yours truly included, but not all) bloggers are attention whores who spend our time doing what we do because we want the response of others. Whether or not folks agree is immaterial (although a co-sign certainly helps), what matters is that someone cares enough to say so.

My blog started out nearly 2 years ago with just two regular readers, me and AverageSisInLaw. Over time, the daily hits grew, and before you knew it, AverageNation™ was born. We have a stable of about 50-some readers who comment on a frequent basis, and most posts routinely reach the 25 comment mark, which I suppose is some bellweather for blog interest. Considering how slowing things started here, I consider myself blessed.

But this is merely a fraction of the daily visitors. A couple thousand people officially read this blog every day, or at least Google Analytics says so. There are about 300 more people who get the daily digest via Feedblitz. The number of Twitter followers (it's syndicated there) is steadily growing. Blogger.com followers (those folks in the tiny icons to the left) too. There are countless others who read via RSS feeds, which don't register in the daily hit count at all. So, when you look at the total number of eyes that hit AB.com daily, the number of comments is pretty paltry by comparison. Again, not that I'm complaining cause I love my regulars. Few blogs make any significant amount of money from ad revenue. Most of us blog for no financial gain, comments are the pay.[1]

So, today, on this eve of the 2nd anniversary of AB.com, I'm saying a huge thank you to the AverageNation™ regulars, and extending a warm invitation to all the lurkers. Come on in, join the conversation. You don't need a Blogger ID, and I intentionally allow comments without registration or approval because I want to keep the door wide open (and because I really don't have the time to moderate comments) for any and all.

Stop lurking and join the fine folks of AverageNation™ today.

The doors of the chuuuch are now open!

Question (for AverageLurkers™ only): Why don't you regularly comment on AB.com?

[1] Hypocrisy/irony alert!

Whatever Happened To Jill Scott?!?

No, it ain't new. But nearly a decade after it's initial release of Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. 1, this song still smells fresh to me. It also makes me wonder, just what the hell happened to Jill Scott?



Much like Vince Young, I feel like Jill Scott is a victim to the brilliance of her debut. Young set the NFL on fire his rookie season. He looked like "the next great thing". But expectations were raised so high, it was impossible for him to live up them. He could still pan out to be a perfectly good QB once healthy again, but folks will always look at his 1st year as a measuring stick. I think Jill Scott has a little Vince Young Syndrome going on.

I've got my flame retardant suit on, so feel free to blast me and remind me that "her subsequent albums were just as good", and that I'm "out of touch", and that I "don't even like R&B, so what would I know". Then kindly point me to a song as good as "The Way" on one of her subsequent albums, and shut me up. I double-dog-dare you. And yes, I'm intimately familiar with Jill's recent work. Perhaps too much so. AverageSis plays those CD's ad nauseum. Help me! keeps these in regular rotation. Perhaps that's the problem.

Yeah, I know about the divorce, the marriage, the baby, the HBO show, et cetera. But reality is, somewhere along the way, Jilly From Philly simply stopped making good music like this.

I sure wish she'd come back.

Question: What the hell happened to Jill Scott?

Channel Your Inner White Guy - Duran Duran.

Ya'll can front all you want, but you know you liked British pop band Duran Duran just as much as I did. One of these days when I get back around to my "We Owned The 80's" series, I'll give Simon Lebon and Co. their props. Until this, cop the headphones and peep this lovely soundtrack of some of their greatest hits.



Question: What's your favorite Duran Duran tune?

Married 84 Years!!!

[Editor's Note: Obligatory "good news post to cancel all out the random hatin'" time. At least I'm being honest.]

I've been married nearly 8 years now. Beautiful wife who gets prettier with age. Two great sons who look just like me. It's lovely.

By all accounts AverageSis and I shouldn't have made it this far. The typical American marriage lasts barely long enough to send out thank you cards for the wedding gifts. The National Center for Health Statistics says nearly half of all marital unions end in divorce at some point. So, by making it as long as we have, we're beating the odds already.

Marriage is certainly no walk in the park. It's continual compromise. It's continual growth. It's continually coming out of your comfort zone. In short, it's a whole lot of work, and given the baggage many people bring into it, it's a wonder that the 50% success rate is as high as it is.

Before I got married, I made it a habit to ask folks who'd either been married or divorced[1] for their advice.[2] When I talked to folks who'd made it last a long time, I'd seldom get a consistent "secret" for why. Some would say communication is the key. Others would say good sex is a must. I heard the word "forgiveness" quite a bit also. But I guess what ultimately makes a marriage work is the mutual desire for it to succeed. I'm convinced that if both people are simply in agreement that they just will not fail, then you've already figured out about 95% of the trick. If you've got that much down, the rest is a piece of cake.

All that said, I'd love to pick this couple's brains. Seriously.

A Craven County couple are in the Guinness World Records book. The two did nothing outlandish such as sky-diving upside down, dancing for days, taking the longest lawn mower ride or having the most tattoos.

No, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of the Brownsville community have been married for more than 84 years. That is a feat in itself. They have the world record of the longest marriage for a living couple.

They can thank their granddaughter Iris Godette for getting the recognition. She submitted the information to the Guinness Book of Records. The information was apparently checked by Guinness and a certificate was given to the couple.

However, when you ask Herbert about the Guinness recognition, he just says, "Oh, Yeah?" The recognition has not changed their life. He still looks at her with love and concern, as she looks toward him as if he will give her strength and guidance.

They have lived for more than 50 years in a house near the Coastal Carolina Regional Airport. They lived in James City before that but the land was purchased for apartments and the two moved.

Herbert was born June 10, 1905. His hearing is going but his mind is sharp. Zelmyra was born Dec. 10, 1907. She uses a walker to get around the house and yard. The two of them can still give their reasons for marrying on May 13, 1924.

"He was not mean; he was not a fighter," Zelmrya said. "He was quiet and kind. He was not much to look at but he was sweet."

Herbert said Zelmyra never gave him any trouble. "No, no trouble at all. We never argued, but we might have disagreed," he said.

Norma Godette, one of the couple's five children. said her parents have gotten along well through the years.

"One time, mama wanted to work. Daddy told her she could not work, that he could take care of the family. She slipped down to Cherry Point and got a job as a caretaker there," Godette said.

"Well, it was done; she got the job. I had to let it be," Herbert said.

They have no secret or sage advice as to why their marriage has lasted so long.

"I didn't know I would be married this long," Herbert said. "But I lived a nice holy life and go to church every Sunday.

"Yes sir, anything for her."

Zelmyra said Herbert was the only boyfriend she ever had. "We got along good," she said. "There was no trouble."

She said she is not tired of seeing him. "I didn't think I'd be married this long. He is quiet," she said.

Zelmyra said her husband had no annoying habits. They both said they shared the title of "boss."

The two sit on the porch and as a train goes by they count the cars. They also watch the neighbors who walk by.

"They were excellent parents," said Norma Godette. "We were poor, but we didn't do without a thing. If he had two cents he saved one cent."Herbert worked as a mechanic at the Coca-Cola Bottling Company in New Bern for 35 years.

He took a bicycle, caught a cab or had a neighbor drive him to work. That hard work and savings put all five of the children through college. Inside the house are plaques, letters of recognition, and awards that both the Fishers and their children received for accomplishments in civic duties and church.

The house where they raised their children has two sitting rooms and three bedrooms. Now that the children are grown, the Fishers enjoy having a bedroom for each. Herbert Fisher can stay up until the last ball is thrown in the ballgame he is watching. And he does. Herbert makes his bed each day and sweeps his floor. He also checks on his wife as she rests.

Between the rests, they enjoy their children, ten grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren and nieces and nephews.

Both say that if they had it to do over, they would not change their life.

You can be a cynical bastard all you want, but tell me reading this story did not make you smile just a bit.

Some will say that times have changes, and marriages are less about economic necessity, and about love nowadays. Many will say they "don't make men like they used to".[3] Still more will say divorce is more socially acceptable nowadays. These things may all be true to some degree, but they have nothing to do with the two people in the marriage. I repeat, if both people wanna make it work, it will work. Period.

Eff' Mike. I wanna be like Herb.

Question: If you're married, what's your "secret" to making it last? If you're divorced, what would you have done differently, other than not marrying that cheating bastard in the first place?

Married 84 years, and still loving [New Bern Sun-Journal]

[1] You can learn so much from someone who's failed miserably at something and is transparent and honest enough to share what they did that contributed to that failure, rather than just blame the other person. Seriously.

[2] You'll notice how I didn't ask anyone who'd never been married for advice. Seriously, ladies, your single girlfriend whose longest standing relationship is with Häagen-Dazs® has no business offering you marital advice. Would you ask Bernie Madoff for stock tips? I think not.

[3] However, if you ask around at your family reunion, you might learn some things you don't really wanna know. The dirty little secret is that lots of men back in the days (I'm talkin' the 40's and 50's) had two families. One they lived with, and another on the other side of the tracks that they provided for, but only saw when they could. Let's not be deluded into revisionist history here. Staying married, yet having a "side family" isn't too far removed from just having 3 baby mamas? Am I right, or am I right?

How Could You Not Like Lebron?!?

As much as I dislike this guy on the court, it's impossible to not be impressed with his aspirations outside of basketball. Perhaps more amazing is how he's hired his own educated friends to run all of his business endeavors. That is what you call a power move.

On the flipside, his Mom has officially eclipsed Ann Iverson as the NBA's most ghetto mother.

Watch and enjoy Bron Bron's star turn on 60 Minutes.

Poll Position - Geithner Stays... For Now.

Obama's pick for Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, isn't exactly off to the best of starts. Given his monumental buildup ("we gotta get this guy, he's the only one qualified to save us!"), you could argue that Tiny Tim could C-Walk on water and still have his share of haters. Many are leery of his power-grabbing aspirations, and underwhelmed by the plans he's announced to turn around the financial markets. But things went into overdrive last week when the AIG scandal broke[1], and it was divulged that Geithner was the guy behind those bonuses. People were calling for his head.

But what did AverageNation™ think? Should Geithner stay or kick rocks?

While the final margin (62/37%) was solidly in Geithner's favor, I should note that earlier in the week, things were much closer, and at one point the "kick rock" contingent was ahead. I suspect that as the market upswing continued and the AIG story began to fade, folks were more forgiving. Whether this says less about us than it says more about Geithner is TBD.

But since we're talking about the economy, how funny is it listening to all those pundits who were calling Obama The Pariah of Capitalism just 2 weeks ago, eating their words as the Dow continues to rise, and as housing sales continue to go up? It's really interesting to me how the same folks who blamed him incessantly as things toppled, will likewise give him no credit now that things (albeit temporarily) are on the upswing.

Haters. Predictable, but still haters.

Question: Do you think Obama deserves any of the blame/credit for the market fluctuations thus far this year, or is it too soon to tell? Should Geithner stay, or go? Why?

[1] Man, feels like ancient history already, no?

When Keepin' It Sham Goes Wrong...

We all knew that Vince, the ShamWow and SlapChop guy was a little "crack-ish", but who knew things were this bad?

Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go."

Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face. After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported.

Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

I guess she didn't "love his nuts". [pause]

Damn, Vince.

ShamWow Guy In Slap, Chop Bust [SmokingGun]

When Worlds Collide...

This afternoon is the matchup everyone's been waiting for, as UNC and All-American Tyler Hansbrough battle Oklahoma and current National Player Of The Year Blake Griffin. We haven't seen a matchup of heavyweights this anticipated since Rodney Rogers and Jamal Mashburn squared off a decade or so ago.

Of course I'm a Carolina fan, so I fully expect the Heels to prevail. Still, how ironic is it that the tourney's most anticipated matchup in years involves a white guy and a Halfrican-American? Even odder is the fact that I'll be cheering for both to prevail. Hansbrough needs to good game for UNC to win. If Griffin has a bad game, he's more likely to consider staying in college another year to redeem himself, which sorta screws things up for my local NBA team. Agent Zero or no Agent Zero, Griffin needs to be playing in DC next Fall, not Norman.

All you Duke fans can feel free to come here and blast me postgame if the Heels lose. I am sorta asking for it after I rubbed in that drubbing ya'll took the other day. But I don't see the Heels losing.

AB's Post-Mortem

Just a few postgame observations.

Blake Griffin is going to be an absolute back-to-the-basket monster in the pros. His athleticism and tenacity are going to transfer easily. He needs to work on his FT shooting, but what big man doesn't? This guy reminds me of Kenyon Martin, prior to the knee surgeries, and that unfortunate neck tattoo. He's probably a better rebounder at this stage, but Martin had an incredible nasty streak. I don't see that from Griffin... yet.

Tyler Hansbrough continues to disappoint. I am glad he came back this year, but it's more evident than ever that Ty Lawson is the team's best player. His ability to get to the line and make shots will transfer to the NBA, but the way he's disappeared at times this season is going to hurt his stock bigtime. He's a late 1st rounder at best now. I still say he can be a productive pro. Think Craig Smith of the T-Wolves. That's probably his ceiling.

UNC is an offensive machine. They have too many weapons. Even with Hansbrough off his game, they still can blow out a team.

I think Lawson has a TJ Ford type of future in the NBA. That's not bad.

Danny Green = Francisco Garcia? Not bad.

The rest of the Oklahoma Sooners = Dishwashers at OKC Sizzler? Bad.

Jeff Capel is an excellent coach. It is not his fault his guards nutted up today. He is the one Duke guy who may actually pan out as a head coach. He can recruit, he's young, and just like his Dad, he is going to job hop. He will get a massive offer from UVa, and he should accept it. Don't forget, the guy is from Fayetteville, NC. NC State would be wise to dump Sidney Lowe and make a run at him too. This guy has a bright future. Yes, I just typed a whole paragraph of praise for a Dukie. See, I can be unbiased too.

Assuming Capel stays put, this bad memory could encourage Griffin to return to school next year. 30 NBA GM's just fainted. So did I.

UNC will have a challenge with Villanova, especially is Hansbrough doesn't show up. Their inside game will decide the outcome.

Okay, I am quitting my amateur analyst gig. Provide your own NCAA commentary you-know-where.

Could We Please Outlaw Duke Kits & ProTools?!?

Does he really think this sounds good?

Yes, This Is An Actual Elected Official.

Would it hurt this sista to learn some reasonably good English? She is a freakin' Congresswoman, not a hairdresser. I shouldn't cringe listening to her talk. Sheesh!

Black Men Can't Dunk?!?

Bored with my usual gym routine, I decided to hit a nearby rec center for my noontime workout today. I don't ball there very often, but it's a good place to get a decent run in, and the competition is seldom that great. Which is good, because my game, at age 35, is Average at best.

When I arrive, there are 9 other dudes shooting around, clearly waiting for one more to join. I walk right in, and they immediately divide teams. Sorta. 5 Black dudes (who seem to know each other, but don't they all?) go to the other team, I am put on a team with 4 Asian guys (who also seem to know each other. Do they all, too?) and the pickup game starts.

The game ends just as quickly. We get rolled, 12-5. The brothas on the other squad were literally doing some Globetrotter Sh*t on us, bouncing the ball between legs, hitting 30 foot 3 pointers, and throwing down fast break alley-oops. I do my best, scoring 4 of our 5 points, mostly on putbacks and sneaky Antawn Jamison-style baskets in the paint. When they aren't busy getting their layup attempts pinned to the backboard Josh Smith-style, my "teammates" spend their time launching contested 18 footers. It isn't my finest hour, but I did my best anyway. Go hard or go home, right?

So, the game ends and I go grab water, waiting for the next run. When I turn around, the 4 Asian dudes on my team have already picked another player (another Asian dude) who has just arrived to join our team. I'm thinkin' "cool, maybe this guy can actually ball". But no, it turns out they want me to sit so their friend (I'm assuming they knew him) can replace me and play the next game, in their quest to redeem themselves against The Brothas.

It is the ultimate WTF Moment. I scored nearly all the team's points in a drubbing, yet they want me to sit down? Awww hell nawl!!!

"F'real? That's what's up?" I ask the "captain" of my former squad?

"Uhhh, yeah. He plays with us all the time." he replies, nervously.

Unable to process the situation, I relent and go sit on the sideline as the rematch (sans me) starts. I am freakin' blown. How can these bamas dump me from the team when I was the freakin' team!!!! For one brief moment, I know how Terrell Owens feels.

Anyways, I decide to know ruin the momentum, and go hit the elliptical trainer (in another section of the center), then return a few minutes later to the gym to gather my stuff and bounce back to work. When I walk in (this is no more than 10 mins later), the game is already over. I don't need to tell you who won, and judging by the brevity, I can assume it was another a$$ whipping.

The "captain" sees me gathering my stuff and calls out to me.

"Say man... you wanna play again?"

"Nah, mane. I'm good", I say, walking out the gym even more puzzled than before.

Question: Did the Asian dudes discriminate against me by not picking me for the 2nd game, even though I scored nearly all our points? Is this racism or merely the unwritten rules of pickup ball? Were they just picking their buddy because they were familiar with him? How's your game these days?

Priceless.

Lovely. Just lovely. He he, I don't even need to add a caption to this.

Could You Let Go Of Your Gadgets?!?

For an engineer, I am notoriously late to adapt to new technology. I deliberated for months before finally starting this blog. I just discovered Twitter and FaceBook. I still don't like text messaging.

But when I finally do cave in, I completely lose all common sense. My BlackBerry might as well be another appendage. I don't watch any TV shows live, everything (except for sports of course) is DVR'd. I can't watch non-HD television without getting a fuzz-induced headache. Anything less than PS3 ain't worthy of being played. Terrestrial radio is a bitter pill to swallow once you're used to Sirius XM. Does anyone actually still use CD's, now that iPods are in vogue?

I don't say any of this to sound materialistic. Reality is, technological advances usually make life easier. I talk to friends on IM more than via phone. My mother has a Facebook page. Portable DVD players can make a miserable child perfectly content on a long road trip. This stuff generally improves your quality of life.

But sometimes I wonder if I'm too tethered to my electronic goods. I've had BlackBerry Withdrawal Syndrome when I've been forced to turn in my gadget at corporate retreats. Nothing is funnier than watching a bunch of grown folks go full-on "Pookie" when they are jonesing for their smartphones after an hour of having them forcibly confiscated in the name of undivided attention. It was sorta pathetic. I swear I heard our regional manager offer someone a bag of cheeseburgers at one point.[1]

The flipside is that this technology makes us less impersonal and more scatterbrained. I have the attention span of a flea. I sometimes find myself on Twitter (like, literally right now as I type this) when I should be doing something more productive. And the cumulative effect of texting vs face to face human interaction is something many experts have attributed to the lack of social skills of many teens. It ain't all good.

I guess my question is, if you needed to, could you do away with all your modern accouterments, and for how long before you offered someone a bag of cheeseburgers? Could you go back to having to hit a pay phone to call someone? Writing actual letters instead of email? Reading the newspaper, instead of blogs and podcasts? Going to an actual store to buy a record rather than illegal downloads, bay-bee! iTunes? Calling folks instead of texting? If you had to give all this stuff up, could you, and for how long?

Question: Could you give up all your gadgets? For how long? What's one thing you absolutely could not give up?

[1] Name that obscure hood' movie reference for 100 Cyber CapriSuns™!

Do All Pro Athletes Share The "Dumba$$" Gene?!?

I'm thinking about starting a separate blog for sports-related idiocy. I'd make a killing on ad revenue, because there'd be plenty of posts. In the past couple of weeks, we've had an NFL player accused of drunkenly killing a poor migrant worker by running him over with his Bentley. Another NFL player jailed for violating probation and a domestic violence case. And now, this latest case of Extreme N*ggadom from a guy who by all accounts should have known better.

Chris Bosh, the face of Toronto's struggling NBA franchise, is being cast in U.S. court documents as a deadbeat father who broke up with his girlfriend when she was seven months pregnant, leaving her destitute and without medical care even as she fell ill.

The court documents, filed in Maryland on behalf of Bosh's former live-in girlfriend, Allison Mathis, who is seeking child support and sole custody, allege that in early 2008 Mathis and Bosh planned to get married. According to the filings, whose allegations have been denied by Bosh, they made a consensual decision to have a child together and Bosh, who is earning a salary of $14.4 million (U.S.) this season, paid for a fertility drug to hasten the process. Not long after Mathis conceived – at last year's NBA all-star weekend in New Orleans, according to a sworn affidavit signed by Mathis – the couple moved into a jointly owned $1.6 million home in Frisco, Tex.

But upon Bosh's return from the Beijing Olympics in August of last year, the player signalled his intention to, according to the complaint, "move on" from the relationship. With Mathis seven months pregnant it is alleged Bosh stopped supporting her financially and attempted to have her removed from their home. Without money to pay for her obstetrician appointments, let alone a means of transportation to attend them, Mathis, according to the documents, suffered "breakthrough bleeding and a constantly upset stomach" while utility companies threatened to disconnect her electricity, gas and water.

Mathis, 28, met Bosh in 2005 and was a hard-to-miss courtside fixture for most of the previous couple of seasons. Once a personal chef to the Dallas Cowboys, according to the filings, she was for a while Bosh's near-constant companion. The complaint against Bosh speaks of Mathis's bleak existence since she left the couple's Texas home last summer. "(Mathis's) expenses are mounting both for her and (Trinity), but she has no way to satisfy these obligations," it states. "(Mathis) has asked (Bosh) to assist with these expenses, but he has failed and refused to do so ... (despite) his overwhelming ability to do so."

According to the filings, Mathis returned to the Maryland suburbs of Washington, where she had grown up, to live with her mother in a two-bedroom apartment; was admitted to hospital due to complications in the pregnancy; and delivered the baby by emergency C-section on Nov. 2. Four-month-old Trinity Meyers Mathis, according to the documents, has laid eyes on her father but twice, both times in his hotel room, once when the Raptors were in town to face the Wizards.

Bosh is the last NBA player you'd suspect of this sorta thing, which just goes to show how little we fans know about the players we cheer for. He comes from a family of two parents who are both engineers. A great student in high school, he had his choice of schools that he could have attended on an academic scholarship. He was a graphic design and computer imaging major during his brief one year stay at Georgia Tech. He hired his college-educated cousin to run his "foundation" and other various business endeavors.

He's always noted by beat writers as one of the most well-read, well-spoken players in the league, as well as one of the few guys well-adjusted enough to likely succeed in life had he not grown to nearly 7 feet. He's got an extremely popular channel of viral videos on YouTube, and is one of the few athletes who actually updates his own Twitter. From the way he's presented, he's the ideal NBA player, the sort of guy you'd like your own son to be should he be fortunate enough to make the league someday. He is quite simply one of the most well-rounded personalities in all of sports.[1]



However, this story just goes to show that book sense and common decency don't go hand in hand. Seriously, what guy goes through the trouble of getting a woman pregnant via fertility drugs, then abandons her and the baby, leaving them without shelter or medical care in the 3rd trimester? Worse, what sorta guy then doesn't bother going to see said child until after paternity has been proven, and even worse, once it fits his convenient travel schedule? That is just sad, sad, sad.

Seeing as how they needed fertility drugs to conceive, it's fair to say that this young lady had problems getting knocked up the natural way. Sure, it could also be due to a male factor, but either way they wanted to get pregnant. To contest the paternity of the child after such an ordeal is just really, really janky. Before anyone jumps on me and says "hey, what about her, why can't she get a job?", consider the scenario. She was in the 3rd trimester of what was likely a very delicate pregnancy. Mathis maybe shouldn't have put all her literal eggs in one basket and quit her Day Job, but who can blame her for having done so? If a guy buys you a huge ring, builds a house with your name on it, and asks you to go through lots of trouble to have his baby, that sure sounds like a commitment to me.

Unlike most stories of this ilk, I'm convinced that Mathis isn't anything even close to a gold digger. I am however quite convinced that Bosh is a total a-hole. Seriously, who only goes to the see the child he hoped and prayed for when he just happens to be playing a team in the baby's hometown? That is just awful.

Sure, we don't know the full story. These are just allegations. Mathis might be a real itch-bay. She might have actually gotten pregnant by Jermaine O'Neal, not Bosh. She might have extorted some money from him like Shaq's wife did. She might have given him an STD. But I seriously doubt it. One thing she did do was cost the Raptors a game when she infamously heckled Lebron James.



Go sit down!

That aside, much like a very similar recent paternity case involving the Orlando Magic's Dwight "Superman" Howard, I totally side with the ladies on this one. Pay up, fools!

If you don't wanna have babies, stop going raw (or going specimen), fellas.

Question: Will these ballers ever learn? What sorta man only bothers seeing his daughter when it's convenient to him? Is this just further evidence that all rich and horny people should have themselves fixed?

Raptor Bosh a deadbeat dad, lawsuit says [TheStar]

[1] Unlike, say, Gilbert Arenas, whose primadonna act is clearly a plea for attention.

Channel Your Inner White Guy - Hall & Oates.

One of these days when I get back around to my "We Owned The 80's" series, I'll give Darryl Hall & John Oates their due.

[Editor's Note: I could be wrong, but I think SeeqPod's "embeddable playlist" app should not auto-play these songs when the browser loads. If this post does result in auto-play, please let me know in the comments.]

Until this, cop the headphones and peep this lovely soundtrack of some of their greatest hits.



Question: What's your favorite Hall & Oates tune?

Caption This Photo.

What Would You Do?!? - Traffic Jam.

Okay, very simple human nature question here. I don't usually make pleas of this sort, but I'm asking as many members of AverageNation™ as possible to chime in. Yes, especially you 100's of daily lurkers, just comment Anonymously, no need to register.

Anyways, I'm en route to work this morning, and running a bit late. About 2/3 of the way into my burb' to burb' commute, I hit a massive traffic backup. Since it's raining, I figure this means an accident is somewhere up the road, and as far ahead as I can see, cars are not moving. So, I'm faced with a very basic decision which I'll ask you guys.

Do you...

A) Patiently sit tight, drive in the bumper to bumper traffic, and likely make it to work 20 minutes late.

or...

B) Impatiently take a 15 mile out of the way detour, and likely make it to work 20 minutes late.

Again, this isn't a trick question, but I think your answer says a lot about how you think and process things. I'll share what I did later.

Question: Assuming the net result was still getting to work 20 minutes late either way, would you sit tight, or take the detour? Most importantly, please explain why.

Old Navy Commercial - Racist Or Good Wholesome Fun?!?

In this post-racial America, the Obama effect extends everywhere, and the world of TV commercials is no different. While I love seeing black families included in ads, this one admittedly rubs me the wrong way. I can't exactly say why though.



Just don't know how to feel about this one. What do ya'll think?

Question: Is this commercial racist for objectifying the black woman, or is it actually sorta refreshing to see a black woman (albeit not a real one) the object of desire?

Is the new Old Navy commercial racist? [DailyVoice]

The Most Disturbing, Yet Bangin' Song Ever?!?

I'm not one of those who considers Dewayne Carter a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but even I gotta admit, some of his newer stuff (the tunes with Pharrell, the "Always Strapped" song with Birdman, the song with Drake) is intriguing.

I know "I Feel Like Dying" isn't exactly new (it's 3 years old in fact), but it happened to come on the other day while I was listening to Shade45 and I finally listened to the lyrics. Does this young man have some serious psychological problems he's trying to avoid with all that syrup or is it just me? Cop the headphones and turn this up loud for maximum effect.



Yeah, it's pretty sad. Here's a guy practically begging for help with his drug problem, but that beat is so damn crispy his pleas just get drowned out by that Karma sample. Sad, but true.

Question: Is Lil' Wayne's drug problem part of his creative process or a sure sign that he's headed for an early grave?

Caption This Photo.

Hooters Girls. Scrippers. What's The Difference?!?

[Editor's Note: Potential Sexism Alert! BTW, if you chimed in on this topic during yesterday's discussion, please don't let that stop you from chiming in yet again.]

The other day some buddies and I hit the local Hooters at lunchtime to catch the NCAA Tourney. The choice of Hooters is simple: The wings are great, and they have lots of plasma screen TV's. Are there other places to get wings and watch basketball? Sure. Are there lots of other places to get wings and watch basketball deep in the burbs? Not exactly. Besides, even Dickie V says it's the move!



Hooters, FTW!

Anyways, one of my co-workers tries to hit on the Hooters Girl who's serving us. She cold carries him, which is DC slang for "He fails miserably". He's dejected, wondering why a girl who is overly-friendly, with her (prolly man-made) boobs literally spilling out her top, won't give him her number. The guy is hardly 25, and fresh outta school, so we fill him in. The girls don't really like you, they just want a nice tip.

And then he says, "Well damn, if that's the case, how is this any different than a strip club?"

And then I start thinking about it myself? How is Hooters any different than a strip club? Consider the parallels?

* In both places, the women wear next to nothing.

* In both places, the women are objectified and oggled, albeit in a socially acceptable manner.

* Both places sell food that will ultimately kill you.

* In both places, the women are nicer to guys than they'd otherwise be, all for the money.

The only difference is a few pieces of clothing, and a whole lotta money. I mean, seriously, if you're working at Hooters and barely making much more than a waitress at IHOP, what exactly is the point?

If it was all about money, wouldn't you go wait tables at a fancier establishment than one that sells chicken wings and domestic brews? It's been scientifically proven that more attractive waiters and waitresses make more money. Thus, going to an upscale restaurant (ie: Ruth's Chris or The Palm or something) would be a bonanza, no?

Best hamilton watches & top class quality of cheap hamilton watches are exceptional things, the shop having geneve watches and tiffany bracelets, provides you a variety of best vacation packages set.

That said, I can only imagine that this is largely about attention. Some women need more of it than others. Thus the literally dozens (this was a busy day) of girls in my local Hooters with breast implants, which I really don't get. Why would you get breast implants to perform better at a $5.85/hour job which can't cover the cost of said implants? Isn't that sorta hustlin' backwards? Do you go buy a Lexus to deliver pizzas for Domino's? I think not.

Again, you're already being objectified and oggled.[1] You're hardly making much more than a girl working at Chili's. At least the girl serving baby back ribs has her dignity intact. What's the freakin' point? Go work the pole already![2]

If I had any testicles, I would have asked her this question myself, of course. But thankfully my co-worker, the same one who got shot down, asked the very same girl a similar question a bit later.

She just handed us our tab and kept walking.

Question: Ladies, what exactly is the difference between working at Hooters, and working at a gentleman's establishment? Would you do either? Fellas, have you too been confounded with this very same puzzling question?

[1] Not by me of course, by the other guys.

[2] Admittedly not my thing.

The Most Riot-Inducing Rap Song, Evar?!?

Mobb Deep's "Shook Ones Part II" is one of my all time favorite rap songs. I remember the time I first heard it. It was in some dive club in the hood just off the campus of my Negro College HBCU. The song comes on, and no more than 30 seconds later, a fight breaks out.



"Stab your brain with your nose bone."[1]

Cotdang! That is some hardcore rhymin'. Never mind the fact that Prodigy has sickle cell anemia and that if you stacked him and Havoc[2] on top of each other [||] they still couldn't change a light bulb. Nope, when this seminal hit dropped in 95', there was no harder duo in rap than these kids from QB.[3]

This is a certified Negro Riot Anthem.[4] Throw it, or Onyx's "Throw Your Gunz", or Brand Nubian's "Punks Jump Up" on, and I guarantee somebody will get knocked the eff' out before you get to the hook.

One thing I've never understood is why this song is called "Shook Ones Part II". Was there a "Shook Ones Part I"? I remember the cassingle (damn, the 90's) for this song having a different version on the B-side that was the same lyrics but with a far more boring beat, but I don't think even that was "Shook Ones Part I", was it? So, I'm wondering, where the heck is "Shook Ones Part I"?

I suppose I could Google this, but I'm too lazy and just don't trust anything I find on wikipedia anymore. If you know the answer to this probing question, please respond and end my misery.

Update: Here's the long-forgotten "Shook Ones Part I". Turns out it was that other song on the B-side of the cassingle. Hat tip to Thembi.



Question: Was there a "Shook Ones Part I"? Did Jay-Z more or less ether The Infamous Mobb's careers with that Summer Jam "ballerina" photo? Is you a crook sonn, or just a Shook One? Know any other rap songs that can guarantee a fight?

[1] It made for a nice line, but is that even medically possible?

[2] Funny story, I ran into this dude twice in the same week. Once off 7th Street around Howard Homecoming, then the next weekend in front of a shoe store near NYU. Driving the same rented neon green Chevy Blazer for a full week. Nice guy though, actually.

[3] Except for the fact that they're driving around an a freakin' Saab. Librarians drive Saabs, not killas and hunned holla billaz.

[4] Uhhh, can someone also explain the "Hennesy" shirts to me while we're at it?

From Hedge Fund Manager, To Pizza Delivery Man?!? Riiight.

The folks at ABC News apparently just discovered we're in a recession. Now, seemingly each episode of the newsmag 20/20 focuses on some aspect of how folks are faring in this economy. There was Diane Sawyer's ridonculous special on Appalachia, John Stossel's Libertarian infomercial, and now, just when you thought the show couldn't get more absurd, this example of Extreme Caucasian Craziness.

Pour yourself a cup of Joe, and settle in. This is a good one.



I suppose we should give ABC News credit for showing a different angle on the stories of those effected by the economy. But c'mon, there's nothing even remotely newsworthy about this. Elizabeth Vargas, assuming she isn't laughing at these morons off-camera, should be ashamed. These folks lived waaaay beyond their means. They didn't invest properly. The husband took an unnecessary risk of leaving a $750k/yr gig to start a business, without the wherewithal to trim down household expenses just in case things didn't pan out. Isn't "preparing for the worst" like Entreprenerism Tip #6?

Now, these idiots haven't paid their mortgage in years, are collecting food stamps, and will likely be on the street by the Summer. The wife (who looks eerily like Jill Biden) has to be the most detestable character I've seen on TeeVee since that 2nd OJ trial. I know it's not nice to laugh at the misfortune of others, but c'mon.

And the point of this story, other than gawking, is...?[1]

I smell a rat here. My Negro BS Radar was going off the entire time I watched this. Why is the guy delivering pizzas, a job which essentially pays nothing after taxes? Are you telling me that he was resourceful enough to have a gig that paid almost $1M/yr at some point, but doesn't have a Rolodex with a single contact that can get him a decent job? And how the hell do kids get their $30k/yr private school tuition paid by "an anonymous donor" in this economy? I'm tellin' ya'll, somethin' ain't right. If this ends up turning into a book deal/documentary at some point in the future, remember where you read it first.

Since I'm all about stimulating conversation, and this story has none, I figure I'd flip the script on you guys for The Question. Pay close attention and answer honestly.

Question: What's the most demeaning job you'd do if your family needed to be fed and sheltered? Could the family have done something to avoid their current fate? Does that wife look like Jill Biden or is it just me?

[1] In all fairness, another segment of the show featured minority families in an LA homeless shelter. It was responsible journalism, not this sorta sensational nonsense.

Caption This Photo.

WorkPlace 101: Lie, Cheat, Flirt?!?

Despite what the talking heads on cable say, anyone with half a brain knows this economy is bad and getting worse. 600,000 jobs are being shed a month. Peoples' livelihoods are hanging in the balance. People are doing everything they can to avoid that pink slip.

An interesting question is, just what would you do to save your job? Would you do something semi-unethical if it meant staying out the unemployment line?

If you're one of the dwindling ranks of the still employed, you know you're among a fortunate bunch. In this market, a job is about the only asset that continues to have value. So, if your livelihood were threatened, how far would you go to hang on to it? Would you lie to your colleagues? Would you flirt with your boss?

Those were some of the questions posed to 1,200 American workers in a new survey conducted by Harris Interactive from Feb. 25-27. Fully 28% of respondents said they would act immorally — including lying or backstabbing — to keep their jobs.

The company wanted to know how the recession has affected people's attitudes toward their career and job prospects, which are, of course, getting only dimmer — since last fall, the number of available jobs has declined while the number of job seekers has remained constant.

Given the state of the economy, perhaps it comes as no big shock that 13% of the survey respondents said they would outright lie or exaggerate to keep their jobs — even though such behavior is forbidden by many companies' ethics policies. About 2% said they would take credit for someone else's work or flirt with the boss to get ahead, and 4% would lie about having common interests with their boss to deepen their bond with a superior.

The youngest workers were the most likely to resort to questionable tactics, the survey found. Nearly 40% of employees from 18 to 34 said they would act dishonestly to save their jobs, a quarter of them would explicitly lie, and 4% would flirt with their boss for an advantage.

For the sake of brevity, I'll cut to the chase.

Question: Which of the following (pick one only) would you do to keep your job? Lie, Cheat, or Flirt? Why? And no, "None of the Above" is not an acceptable answer. Don't be a punk, choose one.

Lie, Cheat, Flirt. What People Will Do to Keep a Job [Time]

TeeVee That Doesn't Suck.

With two kids, I don't get to watch much TeeVee nowadays. Most of what I see comes after hours. Once the kids and wife are retired for the night, I fire up the Tivo and try to catch up. The problem in, since most of what's on TV now sucks, there isn't much worth watching.[1] But here's a handful of shows that you might wanna add to your Season Pass.

Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed

I'm not a good sport when it comes to magicians. The engineer in me always needs to know how something works. I remember ruining my neighborhood Children's Day a few years ago by standing to the off side of the magician hired to entertain the kids and mumbling "oooh, it's a fix, I see the rabbit right there under the table!" under my breath the whole time. My wife didn't speak to me for days afterward. Yeah, I can be a jerk sometimes.



Anyways, MyNetworkTV's Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed is just what it sounds like. Each week, dozens of tricks are outed, which admittedly isn't as exciting as it sounds. What's unintentionally funny is how the stalkerish host who does the voiceovers turns the whole show into really weird softcore pRon by making unnecessary comments about the magician's comely assistants. Either way, I could think of far worse abuses of your precious time. Like watching a Washington NBA Franchise game.[2]

Hannity's Great American Panel

Like most Great Americans, I dislike Sean Hannity with a religious fervor. But now that he's freed from his liberal sidekick Alan Colmes, Hannity's eponymous solo show on Fox News is oddly entertaining in a trainwreck sorta way. The show is typical Conservative blather, but it's Great American Panel segment, which comes on about midway through the 1 hour program, is about as close to "must see TV" as you'll see on The Station Everyone Hates. They take 3 random folks, usually a liberal, a Conservative, and a clueless entertainer, and the whole thing usually dissolves into a pointless shouting match.



If you watch that clip closely, you'll see Rebb'n Al's pimp hand shaking furiously as Michelle Bachmann talks her usual batsh*t crazy nonsense.

Wife Swap

ABC's Wife Swap isn't a new show by any means, but I just discovered it recently and that ish' is hilarious. If you were unaware, Wife Swap takes two wives of dramatically different families (one usually strict, the other excessively laid back) and has them trade places and families for two weeks.



I know it sounds sh*tty on paper, and it's about 90% scripted, but I just cannot turn away from white folks actin' a damn fool on TV. Note to ABC: make more "white folks actin' a damn fool" shows, please.

Renovation Realities

I am addicted to home improvement shows, but most of them get old after awhile because they're so obviously scripted for maximum dramatic effect. DIY's newest offering, Renovation Realities is as basic and "real" as they come. No manufactured drama. No Weekend Warriors who actually do renovations for a living. No production assistants secretly doing all the work off camera. No flipping. No Ty Pennington (thank you Jesus!).



Just real, honest to goodness home renovations by pure amateurs. The folks do all the work themselves, they show the actual amount of money spent, and most of the time, they actually end up unable to finish the renovation. Granted, this show is an acquired taste, but if it's your sorta thing, you'll like it.

Question: Have you seen any of the aforementioned shows? Other than scripted dramas and bullsh*t reality trash (ie: VH1), is there any other show you'd recommend I add to Season Pass?

[1] And before some smart alek types it, yes damnit, I do read books! Lots of em'. You can indeed both watch TeeVee and read books. They're not mutually exclusive. It's possible to be reasonably well-rounded. Save the pithy comments.

[2] Nope, I still won't refer to them by their nickname on this blog until they win the NBA lottery and draft Blake Griffin. If that doesn't happen, they may be banished from AB.com for good.

What's On AB's iPod? - The Best Of Big Daddy Kane.

Need I really say more? The post title speaks for itself.

Download this awesome mixtape of the greatest hits of my favorite rapper of all time, hosted by the Prince of Darkness himself.

Best of Big Daddy Kane [Kevin|Nottingham]

Why I'll Never Commit A Crime And Go To Jail.