Just in case you're curious. AB - Me, AS - My Wife AOB - My Oldest Brother, AMB - My Middle Brother, AA - My Aunt, ASL - My Sister In Law, ABL - My Brother In Law.
10:01pm
{Jay-Z performance}
AS - I hate this song.
AMB - Wack song.
AB - I like the track, but he's saying absolutely NOTHING!
AOB - He needs a guest surprise appearance.
AB - Jay-Z without features is boring.
AOB - Lil' Wayne is closing the show.
9:59pm
{Beyonce wins her obligatory "thanks for gracing us with your presence award}
AB - I bit this is just killin' Keri Hilson.
AS - She runs the game!
9:56pm
{The first black mayor of Philadelphia, MS is trotted out. Clearly the higher ups at BET are doing some atonement. I suppose it's good to have these "positive images" on the TV, but how many minutes before the next Coon Moment? I say 5 minutes.}
9:46pm
{The hoodrat portion of the show begins.}
AB - This song puts me to sleep.
AOB - Monica is going to try and show up Keyshia Cole. She's using Keyshia to try and come back.
AS - They have no chemistry.
AB - Zzzzzzzzz.
AA - Which one is Keyshia?
{the camera pans directly under Keyshia Cole's butt.}
AS - Monica' outfit looks too masculine. She's showing off.
AB - They're trying to outsing each other.
9:43pm
AOB - Ciara can't sing. This is bad.
ABL - Terrible.
AOB - You got to know your limitations.
AB - Beyonce is clowning her.
9:40pm
Note to Kenyon Martin: before you tattoo your girlfriend's lips on your neck, you might wanna Google the term "Trina Luke's Freakshow".9:31pm
{Keith Sweat comes out to perform. The house spontaneously combusts!}
AB - This is real music.
AS - This was my album.
AB - Damian Hall still has no talent.
{Guy comes out!}
AB - Aaron Hall is out of witness protection.
ABL - R. Kelly let him out.
{BBD comes out! AverageFamily sing-a-thon and dance-off.}
AB - Highlight of the night. It's all downhill from here.
AS - Yep.
9:29pm
{Jamie Foxx and NeYo perform for the 197th time of the night. An overzealous background dancer in a too-small outfit tries up upstage the performers and nearly has a wardrobe malfunction.}
AOB/AMB/AS - Whoa!
9:25pm
{Taraji P. Henson wins an award}
AS - Go head' girl! Southeast DC represent!
ASL - That is a great dress.
AS - She looks hot.
9:15pm
{Mary Mary performance}
AS - Those pants are too much. Bad look.
AB - Latifah.
AS - Actually, the pants look good. Queen looks good too.
AA - I like her hair.
9:12pm
AS - Jamie Foxx' makeup looks terrible.
{Madea proof.}
AS - This isn't funny.
AB - Oh my God, Sheneneh and Wanda, the motion picture?
AS - This isn't a real movie is it?
AB - Jesus, no!
AOB - Wow.
AMB - Wow.
AB - Skank-Robbers.com?!?! The website isn't real, but that promo was too long for a joke. Somebody please tell me that wasn't real.
9:02pm
{Beyonce performance.}
AB - Take that Keri Hilson.
ABL - What is this song? Is this Mike?
AMB - She got a body like Eartha Kitt.
AOB - She got a nice little...
ABL - Everything.
AS - CAMELTOE!!! A chink in the armor!
AOB - That's a DINOSAUR TOE!
ABL - Pan down.
AS - That ain't pannin' back.
AA - This performance is strange.
AS - Her hair is bad, the song is stupid. This is bad. She stunk the joint up.
ASL - What did I miss?
AS - Nothing.
AA - This is Ava Maria. It's a tribute to Michael.
AB - It sucks.
AS - This is one long song.
AOB - Cameltoe!
AS - Cameltoe is in!
AOB - Dinosaurtoe! She grew a fossil in there.
AS - Somebody made her do this. That wasn't her idea.
AOB - Nobody is standing up.
AS - It's finally over.
AB - Dinosaurtoe, FTW!
9:00pm
{The "Three Doctors" are introduced. Clearly someone is feeling guilty about all the coonin'. A debate over the sincerity of BET including this ensues.}
AA - Tyra is going to try and get one of them.
